My Howard the Duck Pitch

Note: This article was originally written shortly after WandaVision aired.

Now that the wonderful formula-breaking WandaVision has come to an end, what Marvel show will rise to take its place? While The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is set to premiere on March 19th, it appears to return to a more straight-forward action movie structure. And while that is a perfectly fine route to take, the MCU would do well to continue exploring more off-beat paths.

And I have just the idea to help Marvel get all of their ducks in a row.

Well… one duck, at least.

Howard the Duck was introduced in Adventure into Fear in 1973, got his own series in 1976, and in 1986 he was the titular star of the... um... critically acclaimed first ever feature length film based on a Marvel comic.

Once the MCU started up proper, he made cameo appearances in both volumes of Guardians of the Galaxy (voiced by Seth Green) and even briefly popped up in Avengers: Endgame.

More recently, Kevin Smith was scheduled to helm an animated Howard the Duck series on Hulu. Sadly, however, it was cancelled, along with a handful of other animated Marvel shows that were going to tie in with it (except for Patton Oswalt’s M.O.D.O.K. That’s still happening). It appears as though these shows were not planned to be in the MCU canon, so that could be the explanation for why they were cancelled (better to more firmly incorporate those characters into the MCU).

(Editor's Note: And now, of course, he's been in What If...?)

With that in mind, I began to envision exactly how that would work. How could you bring this fowl friend more concretely into the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Could it somehow be a spiritual successor to WandaVision? Could it expand the strange horizons of what Marvel is capable of producing? Could a Howard the Duck television series actually work? Would there even be a story to tell? Would people actually watch it?

I think so. And to prove it, I would like to present you with an outline I've concocted for a Howard the Duck show guaranteed to please Marvel fans and newbies alike.

Let's ducking do this.

After Howard strolls through one of the portals that opened up in the fight against Thanos, he finds himself stranded on this strange new world. More specifically, New York.

Stranded with him is Bereet (from Guardians of the Galaxy), who also came through one of the portals.

They soon find shelter and work in an art collective where Bereet begins making what she calls techno-art films based on her newfound love of Earth and humans... whereas Howard just wants to get back home.

That begins to change when Howard befriends Beverly Switzler, a struggling musician who composes the scores for Bereet’s films.

In an attempt to impress his new friend, Howard begins taking a more active role in Bereet’s films. He eventually convinces her to make a feature-length film based on the life of the greatest individual he knows… himself.

Filming soon begins on Howard the Duck with Howard taking the titular role and newcomer Ralph Bohner (from WandaVision) cast as Dr. Walter Jennings, a scientist determined to help Howard return to his home planet.

I mean, that’s gotta be a headshot, right?

Immediately, the production is beset by problems. The budget gets out of hand, Howard is difficult to work with, and finally Ralph goes missing. They manage to finish the movie by filming Ralph’s remaining scenes with a stand-in, Lester Verde (played by Clark Duke).

The premiere of Marvelous Film’s first feature film Howard the Duck is sparsely attended and the critical reception is abysmal. Could this be the end of Howard’s film career?

Luckily, Ralph finally returns and tells them that he was stuck in a sitcom.

Ralph even managed to convince this woman named Darcy to sneak him a flash drive with the episodes on them, so he could put them on his reel.

Howard has bigger plans, though. He releases the episodes online and they are a huge hit. Enough of a hit to fund a whole slew of films. Howard quickly realizes that superhero stories are what the people want, so the team begins to churn out an entire cinematic universe worth of Marvelous Productions based on the real-life exploits of Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, and Captain America.

Howard quickly fires Lester, knowing that the real talent is Ralph. But Howard convinces Ralph to use a stage name because no one is going to take someone named Bohner seriously.

The newly named Paul Same is the lead in all of the Marvelous Films, eventually leading to his own personal identity crisis when he is required to play multiple roles in the big crossover Avengers film. Confusing himself for a real superhero, he begins disappearing at night, fighting crime under the alias Winky Man.

After Ralph-Paul-Winky winds up in the hospital because he doesn’t have any fighting skills whatsoever, Howard agrees to recast at least one of his roles. And with the attention their films have been getting, they are able to cast actual celebrity Ed Norton as The Hulk.

The film is a huge success, vastly outperforming Dark Cinema’s gritty superhero drama Band of the Bland (written and directed by Lester Verde).

Though the film does well, one particular person takes issue with his portrayal in the film.

Bruce Banner vents his frustration about the film with his lawyer cousin, Jennifer Walters. She says he is totally in his rights to sue this duck. So they sue that duck.

Howard scrambles to find a lawyer who will take his case and finds his way into the law offices of Nelson and Murdock.

Taken in by Howard’s predicament, Matt takes on the case without consulting his partner. Foggy is upset about this, saying "Matt, we can't represent a duck."

Matt replies "...he's a duck?"

The case is taken to trial and soon gets wildly out of hand. The court battle devolves into an actual battle when one of the witnesses, Lester Verde, reveals himself to be a supervillain named Doctor Bong. Using the powers of a mystical bell, he has hypnotized the cast of Band of the Bland into believing they are actual superpowered beings. He convinces them that Howard the Duck is their sworn enemy and they must stop at nothing to annihilate him.

Chaos ensues and in the process Jennifer Walters is gravely injured. In desperate need of a blood transfusion, she turns to the only person she knows of that shares her rare blood type… her cousin Bruce. (This, of course, leads to the upcoming She-Hulk show starring Tatiana Maslany.)

(Editor's Note: Again, I wrote this in the past.)

Eventually, Doctor Bong and Band of the Bland are stopped and the trial continues elsewhere as Damage Control (who were briefly seen in Spider-Man: Homecoming) assesses the destruction of the courthouse. (Damage Control was almost a sitcom once already, so this is the perfect way to bring that idea back. Think about it, Marvel. Think about it.)

Matt gives an impassioned closing statement about the power of movies, television, comic books, and superheroes. And how Howard brought all of those things together. The entire court is in tears, moved by this speech.

Finally he concludes with "Trapped in a world he never made, Howard made something of the world he was trapped in."

There is an uproar of cheering and applause. All charges against Howard are dropped. Bruce pulls him into a hug and apologizes.

In season two, Howard runs for president.

I mean… it’s so obvious that this is what needs to happen, right?

A version of this article was previously published on The Dipp.

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