Novels

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by J. Bartholomew Hivemind

Falling asleep at the wheel, Abigail accidentally hits a hitchhiker, Samantha, who is on the run from some pretty weird stuff, including a demonic ex-boyfriend, brain swapping drugs, and a particularly vicious zebra. Together they get involved in a high-stakes Scrabble tournament, visit a deadly waterslide theme park, and uncover the terrible cost of obtaining a Philosopher’s Stone.

“A very fun wild ride that’s well worth taking!”
-Ian Boothby (Futurama Comics, Mad Magazine, Exorsisters)

“Draw a triangle and at the points write the names Carl Hiaasen, Terry Pratchett, and Monty Python. This book goes somewhere in the middle.”
-Scott Meyer (Off To Be The Wizard, Basic Instructions, The Authorities)

“This latest work by J. Bartholomew Hivemind is fun, imaginative, and can be easily read at any point along the space time continuum!”
-Pete Michels (Rick and Morty, Family Guy, The Simpsons)

“[J.B. Hivemind’s work is] A breathless collision of Pythonesque ideas thrown into the fantasy pot and stirred vigorously."
-Dirk Maggs (The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Audible's The Sandman)

“The best road trips are with people who just seem to get crazier the more you get to know them. Apparently, the same is true of books about road trips.”
-Mark Russell (The Snagglepuss Chronicles, God is Disappointed in You)

"Road Trippy" written by Joe Heath, Ray Friesen, & Christine Cherry

as J. Bartholomew Hivemind.

Buy it on Amazon.

by J. Bartholomew Hivemind

In a vaguely medieval setting, a hardboiled and bookish young princess dreams of a daring escape from her stupid wedding. The plan involves precision timing, punching, and of course, a swarm of pterodactyls. A heartwarmingly ridiculous story of revenge, weird cults, temporal anomalies, warrior ghosts, and more flying reptiles than any other comedic fantasy novella, GUARANTEED. This mighty tome attempts to answer the question humanity has been asking since eternity began: “Huh?"

Written by Ray FriesenJoe Heath & Vincent E.L.

as J. Bartholomew Hivemind.

Buy it on Amazon.

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by Brad Heath

What would you do if you could ask God one question? When evil intergalactic genius Percy Beaugar finds the Etrigan Logos, an artifact that allows its owner to talk to God, it can only mean trouble. Now it's up to a gang of misfits from Earth to stop him. Recruited by aliens for their suicidal tendencies, they head out across the galaxy to undo Percy's evil plans. Get ready for an adventure that has aliens, angels, demons, dwarves, intergalactic mobsters, and talking plants. And the location to the portal to Hell. If you're interested in that kind of thing.

Written by Brad Heath, Edited by Joe Heath & Vincent E.L.

Buy it on Amazon.